Groovy Kind of Love

Ann and Bill Tillman; 2 people that were close and loving friends of ours in Colorado. Bill and Ann were always there for us. Devout fundamental Christians, they tried hard to be accepting of our LDS devotion, going so far as to tell Bo that they were concerned for us, but they loved us all the same. No we didn’t believe exactly as they did and they felt we were wrong, but they always loved us and helped us and were right there for us in so many ways.

Ann & Bill and their family On Father's Day 2009

Their kids were our kid’s friends. We had dinner at their house more times than I can count. We all had little farms with chickens, goats, pigs, cows, large gardens, etc. We all worked hard and fended for ourselves as much as possible. Bill was a plumber and a very good one. He had his own plumbing company and took care of many plumbing problems on the eastern prairie of Colorado.

I remember the summer that the prairie was on fire all summer long and Bo was out almost daily fighting grass fires. Some of those grass fires could reach 20 feet in the air! The way the flames raced over the prairie and jumped over the roads made me more afraid and more in awe at the same time, than any other thing I have ever seen! The night that the fires spread towards Ann & Bill’s house, Bo was in the black fighting it, but I was there with my kids and hers and we had hoses on the yards and the barns. I wound up taking all of our kids to safety as Ann & Bill stayed and defended their home. Late into the night, the good fight was won and all was well……

After we moved away from Colorado we lost track of Ann & Bill Tillman and their awesome kids….that is easy to do back in the late 90’s. There was no MySpace or Facebook utilities to ‘keep us connected with the people around us’.

About 5 years ago, we had heard that Bill had been in a horrific car wreck and was paralyzed from the neck down, a spinal fracture, Christopher Reeves type. So awful, my veins ran like ice to think of it. The new responsibilities of Ann, Bill’s wife. How their life had changed overnight.

About 8 months ago we all found each other on Facebook. We saw Bill in a wheelchair with a tube to his throat to breath. I can’t fathom it. I just can’t. He was once so vibrant, strong and healthy. I remember once our well froze up and Bill and Bo crawled down into the deep well hole and were warming and working down there. Bill was athletic and agile. Now, he can’t breathe on his own.

He can type though, at least I think, as we get can correspond with him on Facebook. My most favorite posting of his is in response to Bo’s status which read: Coach Matt Beaudry “is a gnarly bad @ss!” To which Bill replied, “Bring It!”

As a wife married to a man that I adore 95% of the time, I know Ann to be the same. Actually she adores Bill 100% of the time. I cannot imagine what her life is like, or rather I try to and I just nearly dissolve into a fit of depression.

I don’t think Bill can hold her, make love to her, or many of the wonderful things that a man and woman do together. My heart breaks.

Not too long ago, in June I think it was, Ann posted this status: Ann Tillman: THE BEST LOVE SONG OF ALL TIME….PHIL COLLINS “GROOVY KIND OF LOVE”. Just went on a walk with the dog & was listening to Phil on the ipod. Love it.”

Every time I hear this song now I think of Ann & Bill. My heart is broken and yet lifts at the same time, I sob and I laugh.

I know that their strong faith in God sustains them. Ann says, “Enjoy God’s beauty in each day.” And my favorite, “You do what you can, & you let God do what you can’t.”

Ann & Bill, you inspire me. Love you…………

Ken Dolezsar

Tonight we talked about Ken, today we cried about Ken.

It has been a long hard struggle. After Ken was killed, 2 dads of players on the hockey team made accusations about Matt and I that caused UVU to fire us on the spot.

UVU didn't even ask us about the accusations, they didn't want to hear our response at all.

We were heart broken, still are. The team we built with Ken and worked alongside of with him was broken beyond repair, we could not save it. Ken was disconsolate I am sure and so were and are we.

If Ken were still live, no man would have dared to even try to wrench control of the hockey team from him nor us.

If Ken were still alive Matt and I would still be working hard running and coaching the hockey team. The team would have continued onto great things, instead of the ridiculous sorry state it is today.

If Ken were still alive I would not be having to sue UVU to get paid.

If Ken were still alive Matt and I would not be suing two men that we once thought were friends, whom we had meals with and shared ours and theirs homes with.

UVU did a full 3 year audit of every single penny that went through mine and Matt's hands, they found no embezzling, no inappropriate use of funds, etc....

Everything in ruins, everything we worked so hard for gone.....

Ken would have made all the difference, but for some reason a guy took a gun and shot him.

Matt and I worked with Ken every day for nearly 5 years.

Ken a millionaire sat on my white-dog-hairy couch and never minded, he just wanted to talk hockey and be with Matt and sometimes me.....

Oh if I could reverse the wheels of time.....

On Sept 22nd 2009, the trial starts, My husband will be there for every day he can, his best friend, his best dear, dear friend was cruelly taken from him....

Ken was taken from this world way too soon......

UPDATE on Ken's killer's trail; Ken's family says it now has been postponed until Jan 22nd, 2010.


UPDATE: NOW - It appears that the trial will begin on April 19th, 2010 and expected to last until May 7th.

Marking one’s own body.

Many, many people feel that bodies are for decorating. We tan them, design our hair, apply make-up and even make more permanent markings.

My husband got a tattoo in June. Owen designed it. My hubby thought and pondered over this permanent marking on his body. The impetus for such a permanent marking? His best friend was brutally murdered, and shortly there-after, the business that he and his best friend had created and ran together was destroyed by people bent on revenge and jealousy. He was devastated by the turn of events, but he kept hearing his best friends voice in his mind guiding him and being there for him. His best friend was the true ‘measure of a man’.

“”"The measure of a man's life is in how well he strives to overcome his personal problems. Neither his temporary failures nor life’s unfair reversals or tragedies, and especially not his death, however untimely it seems, negates the value of his personal triumphs. They will go on forever - for him, for those who love him, and for all who follow after."
---Yorgason and Yorgason””

This picture was taken just in July 2009, on a very sweet family vacation. It was the happiest I have seen him in a long time.

Ken meant the world to my husband and hence, the major symbol of the design is a compass. The rest of the symbols you will have to ask him about……..